Haji's Little Secret
by d-E-a-D-12349876-a-C-c-O-u-N-t
Summary: This is a story about how Haji has a secret. Dun Dun DUN! Plz review, this is a crack story, people!


THE SECRET LIFE OF HAJI

Saya glanced over at her emotionless chevalier. He was so boring! "If that is what you wish." Those words came out of his mouth every time she asked him something. Even if she asked him to _Kiss Solomon_, he would say the same thing to her.

Haji looked at Saya. "Is something wrong?" he asked in his monotone manner. Saya quickly nodded her head and went back to thinking.

_Is there something that I don't know about Haji? He never opens up to me. He will rue the day that he didn't tell me everything..._

After Saya had retired for the night, Haji crept out of her room. He slowly made his way into the closet. There was one of his most prized possessions. No, it wasn't the cello. It was his typewriter. He smiled a Grinch grin as he typed out some words.

The next day, Saya had suggested that they go to Barnes and Noble. After much begging, they were on their way to the store.

Upon walking through the doors, Kai made his way to the comic books. Riku went to the cooking books, Haji to the music books, and Saya to the romance novels.

After about five minutes of looking through the books, Saya noticed a very old looking one. It was entitled: When the Music Stopped.

Saya was immediately drawn to the old, antique look of the book. After reading the first few pages, Saya's eyes filled with tears.

Kai was holding an arm full of comic books, Riku with two new cookbooks, Haji with a songbook, and Saya with the book that she was reading.

The next few days, Saya did nothing but read the book. She kept herself locked in her room, no bathroom, no sunlight, no food... other than the half eaten pizza under her bed.

After about five days of solitary confinement,Saya slowly crept out of her room, book in hand.

Kai was reading his new issue of Zombie Loan when he saw Saya. Here's how she looked: Her hair was scraggly, her breath had a rotten pepperoni smell, her eyes were wild, she just plain reeked, and her nose.... let's not go into detail.

"Saya are you okay?" Kai asked... fearfully.

"Why would you ask a silly question like that, Kai. Do I look okay? Of course I'm okay! DO YOU UNDERSTAND???!!!"

"Understood. But, you just seem different..."

"Yeah, well, so do you. You know what? I'll tell you what. You're a #&%&#!" Saya yelled.

"I didn't know those words existed..." Kai said with a squeak in his voice.

"LEARN IT! LIVE IT! LOVE IT, GIRLY-MAN!" Saya explained, "Oh, and, why is your book so flimsy? I mean you could just rip it like this..." *Rip* "I prove my point."

After Saya walked out, Kai looked a his comic. "You're not flimsy... are you?"

Haji was playing his cello as Riku was cooking up a storm.

"Saya, you look odd," Haji said, which he shouldn't have.

"I'll tell you what I told Kai, #&%#!"

"Saya, would you like some cake?" Riku asked sweetly.

"Thank you, Riku. Would you like it back?"

"Sure. I like sharing."

*SSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMAAAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHH*

The cake went right in Riku's face. Haji had to keep himself from gasping. Riku looked pitiful.

"Would you like to wash yourself off?" Saya asked nicely.

"That would be nice. Thanks." Riku was just too naive for his own good... which Saya found to her advantage.

*SSSSSSSSSQQQQUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRTTTTTT*

Riku started crying. And with all that crying, it got a tad bit annoying. So, annoying that Saya gave him a muzzle.

"Just try getting it off!" Saya knew that Riku was a chevalier, but even Haji couldn't get that thing off. And if he couldn't, there was know way humanly- er... chevaliery that Riku could get it off.

Julia was in her lab coat and David was holding some tape. They had been asked to do a "special" operation on a very "special" patient.

In the waiting room, David walked outside and looked at Kai.

"We couldn't save him," David said, sadness in his eyes. "If you want, you can go say goodbye before we pull the plug."

"Okay," Kai said, holding back tears.

Upon entering the room, Kai saw his dying friend, laying there helplessly and ready to kick the bucket.

"Oh, Zombie Loan comic, you were, am, and always will be my favorite comic. Julia, I think he's ready."

*BBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP*

The next day, Saya, Riku, Kai, and Haji were all wearing black. As they made their way to the Miyagusuku shrine, Kai saw all his friends there.

If you haven't guessed already, they were at the calling hours for the Zombie Loan comic.

Saya looked at the tombstone. She could barely remember what the last few days had been like.

After the calling hours, Saya decided to see who had written her wonderful book.

"Hhhhhmmmmm... G. Haibafusa." Whoever it was, Saya had deeply fallen in love with him, even if he was an old fart like David.

"Julia, may I borrow your laptop?" Kai asked.

"Sure."

As Kai was looking at the laptop, Saya knew that she could just look up the name, find his address, put herself in a box, mail herself to him, marry him, and have 29 kids. If only she could find a laptop...

Her reddish/brownish eyes glanced over at the laptop that Kai was holding. If only she could find a laptop...

"Kai! Look! It's Mao doing her signature Mucho Grande Flying Hug!"

"Huh?!" Kai looked over and saw nothing.

*BBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM*

Kai was hit by Saya, whose eyes were once again wild. "Give me the laptop," Saya said. Somehow, Saya had gotten her nails to grow long, and they were ready to stab Kai if he didn't hand over the laptop in five seconds.

"Okay!" Kai squealed, as he ran off.

As Saya looked up the name in the laptop, she found out that he lived right in her exact home. Wonderful! Now she didn't have to mail herself to him!

The only question was, _who_ was this writer from above.

After looking at her statistics she figured out that it could be one of five men:

David: He has been along since the dinosaurs appeared. He would have experience.

Lewis: Who knows what you can learn about in Jamaica, man? (yes, that was supposed to be Jamaican sounding)

Kai: Saya has only known him for a couple years.

Haji: He can already play the cello. Why not write a book?

Rik- Wait! Riku's not a man! He's a bo- Wait! Riku's not a boy! He's a wimp.

Saya decided to herself that because David can't read Humpty Dumpty without using a dictionary, Kai believes that reading is a bad omen, Lewis would eat the book before he got it printed, and Riku's not a man, Haji could be the only person to write the book.

Saya had planned on going up to Haji, but somehow she found herself in Mao's bedroom.

"What do you want?" Mao asked, stroking her cat on the head.

"Advice on how to make a man love me!" Saya blurted out.

"Try the flying hug. Now leave."

"Thank you?"

Saya decided not to try the flying hug technique. So, she found herself in Haji's room.

"Is something wrong, Saya?" Haji asked.

"Haji, did you write a book?"

"I suppose I have to tell you. Yes."

"Well then, may I have your autograph?" Saya asked.

"Yes?"

Saya knew there would be a sequel. She looked forward to it. She looked forward to locking herself up in her room, eating pizza, not bathing, the only thing that she wouldn't look forward to would be the funeral for another one of Kai's Zombie Loan comics.

Maybe the next time, they could cremate it.

END

**Author's Note: _As you can plainly see, this is not how The-Emo-Alchemist usually writes. That's because it's not her. Her little sister took over. I hope you enjoy my stories about crack and love. Give me sympathy because my hamster is dying. I will continue to use the logo because she made me. Also, I do not own any sort of anime, although if I did, it would be uber awesome!!!_**

**-T-E-A-**


End file.
